Every Day is Mother’s Day 2017

In the beginning it was dark and the Great Mother couldn’t see in the kitchen to make breakfast. So she gave birth to the Sun that she named Keith and he lit the kitchen and the universe with light. Soon the Great Mother made pancakes with Aunt Jemima syrup and a fresh pitcher of Tang. It was groovy and Keith ate all of his pancakes.

“Mom”, he asked. “What else are you cooking in the kitchen?”

The Great Mother smiled and her golden hair was golden. As she pulled Laurie out of the oven she said, “This is your sister. Some call her the Moon.”

Then the timer went off and standing there was a creature that smelled of sulfur and who wore a cloak of flame. His head was adorned with dancing red freckles and on his feet he wore green, low top tennis shoes.

Soon Christopher, Tracy, trees, oceans, stars, bric-a-brac, Rhoda, The Banana Splits, flowers, cats, war, pudding, Ray Kroc, lambs, toadstools, death, castles, 76 gas stations, highways, Butter Brickle ice cream, birthday cakes, stained glass, Mondrian, Allen Funt, Hinduism, birds singing in the morning, cancer, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, reality TV, darkness, seeds, bubblegum and sundaes with whipped cream on top all flowed from the Great Mother.

Then when she was done she was pleased but tired. Tracy asked, “Mommy, there’s so many dishes in the kitchen. Can I please help you?”

Shirley looked down at her lovely new daughter and with honey tears of cosmic joy said, “Yes, I would appreciate that.”

The Great Mother gave Tracy a little apron all her own to wear. Soon Christopher, Laurie and Keith joined in to help their mother clean the kitchen, all except for Danny. Laurie asked, “Hey little brother. Why aren’t you helping clean the kitchen?”

Danny smiled and said, “That’s not why Mom made me.”

“Oh, yeah?” asked Laurie. “What gives? Why did Mom make you?”

Danny’s freckles danced on his face and he said, “I make the mess and you clean it up. It’s a pretty simple exchange and I think I come out ahead in this deal. I get a plate of cookies and milk after school and sometimes before bed. Right, Mom?”

The Great Mother turned and smiled, wiping her hands on the apron and said, “That’s right, Danny. But if you don’t help clean the kitchen I’ll be too tired to bake those cookies for you or milk the cow for your delicious glass of milk.”

Danny nods, shuffles his feet and then joins in because after all, we are nothing without the Great Mother. If we don’t work with her we shall never drink the milk that flows from her ocean of bliss.

On this day the Partridge Family Temple celebrates Mother’s Day, a high holiday celebrating the greatest Mom who ever existed. We at The Temple understand that our Mother truly has the whole world in her hands. PRAISE SHIRLEY!

Mother Nature scripture by The Partridge in the Pear Tree
Every day is Mother’s Day image by Whale Song Partridge

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“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.” – David Cassidy (TV Guide, July 16, 1972)

TV Devotee: The Partridge in the Pear Tree
God-Nik inspirational poster: Whale Song Partridge

As Safe As Yesterday Is

Honey swirls around you with sticky, warm happiness. Gigantic lime-green and orange pulsating orbs of jelly hum and vibrate a beautiful song. Then a fresh-baked silver star cookie hugs you and brushes your hair with a bumblebee comb, striped black and yellow and buzzing as flowers pink, yellow and blue grow as tall as trees around you. The forest floor is made out of pink Easter basket grass. You laugh and roll in the grass as fairies with yellow hair, yellow mini dresses and yellow plastic sandals float on yellow wings laughing merrily.

It’s then time to turn the orange pudding television on. You can eat the knobs and the TV clicker is made out of chocolate fudge; the best that you’ve ever had. Even better to turn the channel and watch all the beautiful commercials. You laugh aloud when you actually see a commercial for chocolate fudge and soon the chocolate fudge woman with long, flowing, chocolate fudge hair takes you by the hand as you climb the gigantic, purple grape, hard candy mountain. Along the path, delicious yellow and green flowers and vines to eat ever so sweet.

At the top sits a giggling marshmallow man with long, marshmallow hair and a marshmallow beard. He allows you to pinch his marshmallow cheeks and even to lick the marshmallow that sticks to your fingertips. Then the marshmallow man turns and points to the cave behind him. Finally you’re inside the cave staring at the blue, crystal candy stalactites and sliding down the lime-green lollypop steps, your feet sticky with adventure excitement.

Soon you come to a gigantic, crystal glass, lemon-yellow honeycomb door. The door knocks three times and as you clap your hands and your eyes open wide, the honeycomb door opens and standing there is The Partridge Family and you’re just in time for breakfast. As you pour pink lemonade syrup on your clear glass pancakes, Danny explains that The Partridge Family Temple is a Safe Space for all the people who understand that there is no such thing as a Safe Space. Then he pours you a thick, frothy glass of Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom.

Safe Space Window Placement by Whale Song Partridge
Safe Space Honey Adventure by Shaun Partridge

An Apple a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

Shirley watches the Autumn leaves swirl in the air from her kitchen window as she makes caramel apples for her brood. Tracy’s little tambourine hands help mold the caramel disc to the big green apple. Then Christopher drums the finished delight on the silver platter. Laurie combs her long, brown hair and wishes it was long caramel and her comb was made out of caramel and she could eat it.

Danny runs down the stairs with a towel on his head, “Mom, I’m sorry to say but I don’t think I can make it to school tomorrow for the Halloween party. I think I’m coming down with a horrible cold or flu or maybe both.”

Keith puts his guitar down, shakes his perfect feathered hair and laughing says, “You’re not sick, Danny. You’re just upset that Mom didn’t buy you that Halloween costume.”

Danny freckle frowns, crosses his arms and says, “No, Keith. I’m sweaty and my knees and toes are cold and I’m afraid that my freckles are going to melt right off my face.”

Reuben puts down his cup of Sanka and says, “Gee, I hope it’s not catchy. Some stewardess friends are coming in this weekend and I sure wouldn’t want to catch a sore throat. Maybe you better go back up to your room and stay in bed.”

Shirley rinses her hands under the faucet and dries them on her pink apron. “Okay, Danny. Come here.”

She gets down on her knees and says, “Let me take your temperature.”

She licks her forefinger and then places it under Danny’s tongue. She pulls it out, shakes it, puts it in her mouth, looks at the ceiling for a few seconds, pulls her finger back out and says, “Danny, you’re completely fine. And I think you know that.”

Danny hangs his head down with red-headed embarrassment, “Yeah, I know, Mom. But I really wanted that Mussolini Halloween costume.”

Shirley smiles and says, “Reuben, have you ever known my children to be sickly?”

Reuben takes a sip of his Sanka, swallows and says, “Well, Tracy had a stomach ache once.”

Shirley laughs, “That’s because she ate an entire gumball machine.”

Tracy pipes up from the kitchen, “I like gumballs.”

Keith rubs his crotch and says, “Don’t we all.”

Shirley frowns and continues, “The reason my children are never sick is because of the old saying, ‘An apple a day keeps the doctor away’. Everyday my kids eat an apple from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. This keeps the doctor away because when you eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, you’re healthy, wealthy and wise. There’s no reason to visit a doctor or for a doctor to visit. In fact, remember that apple pie that I made last Spring, Reuben? After that one slice after dinner you weren’t sick for almost an entire year.”

Reuben nods his head, “Jeez, Shirley. You’re right.”

Keith picks up his guitar and starts to sing, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away. An apple a day keeps the doctor away.”

Laurie then starts to sing alongside Tracy, “Eat an apple on going to bed, and you’ll keep the doctor from earning his bread.”

Christopher and Shirley join in with the others singing, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.”

Laurie imagines a protest sign made of caramel and Danny smirks and thinks about how much he hates panini sandwiches.

Apple quote by Carl Sagan who lived in a Sphinx Head Society Egyptian Revival house

Apple art by Whale Song Partridge

Apple cart tall tale by The Partridge in the Pear Tree