Tracy Partridge knows that it’s a complete drag when you come down with a cold and your nose and head get all plugged up. Especially when you practice Un-Yoga and you need to breathe through your Right Red Partridge Nostril and your Left White Partridge Nostril.
An ancient secret to help clear the nostrils is a wondrous thing called Kleenex. With this wonderful aid, you truly will understand what it means to kill two birds with one stone. Like Tracy Partridge, you’ll be running through the Golden Hills of Forever.
GOD BLESS YOU!
Gesundheit Gig: The Partridge in the Pear Tree
Kleenex the Eternal Box of Truth by: Whale Song Partridge
One evening, Shirley was making macaroni and cheese for everyone’s dinner. They had just finished band practice when the sun went down and it became too dark to see outside. Danny was getting more and more irritated as his bedtime approached. After finishing the last bite of his meal he stood up at the dinner table.
“Every day we have to rush to do our chores, finish our homework and have band practice— all before the sun sets,” he said. “Why should we be slaves to the sun? I’m going to catch the sun before he rises and teach him to be a little more respectful!”
But Keith was quick to criticize, not believing Danny could possibly pull off such a feat.
“It would be impossible to catch the sun, he’s much bigger than you! And smarter too!”
“The heat and flames would burn you to death, Danny,” Shirley said.
“I think he’s got sunstroke,” Laurie added, and they all laughed.
“Hey – I’ve done a lot of things that people thought were impossible,” Danny said angrily, “and I will conquer the sun!”
The next day Danny rummaged through the garage until he found some rope, which he planned to use to ensnare the sun. When the evening arrived, he grabbed the rope and walked towards the east where the sun rises first. He dug a hole among the roots of a tree and hid.
The first ray of light, the first leg of the sun, soon began to appear in the sky. Danny threw his rope and caught it. One by one the legs of the sun rose into the sky and were caught by the rope.
When the sun saw that all of his legs were trapped, he tried to lower himself again. Danny quickly tied the rope to the tree and pulled until the body of the sun came back up again.
Danny reached into the hole he had dug beneath the tree and pulled out an ax. He began to viciously strike the sun until he was coated in blood.
“Give me my life,” the sun begged.
“If you live, you may be a traitor,” Danny shouted, “It would be better just to kill you!”
But the sun continued to plead for his life. He asked Danny if they could please discuss the situation.
After talking for a while, the two agreed that there should be a regular motion to the sun’s journey. Danny would allow the sun to live as long as he was able to make the days longer. They decided that half of the time the sun could go down quickly, as he now does in the winter— but during the other half he must move slowly, as he now does in the summer.
The days became longer thanks to Danny, he had succeeded in taming the sun. From that day on, the sun has always kept his word and traveled slower across the sky.
A traditional Hawaiian tale
Artwork by Whale Song Partridge
People often ask me, “What religion are you? You talk about the Bible, Koran; Torah. Are you a Hindu?” I say, I am not a Catholic, a Buddhist, or a Hindu, but an Undo. My religion is Undoism. Reality is like a jigsaw puzzle, and the pieces that are already fitted together must be undone.
– Swami Satchidananda
One day in November, Keith was sitting around the house, upset over a recent breakup. He had spent the last week wooing a girl who would no longer give him the time of day. Thinking of the girl saddened him, but when he began to think about his friends he got even bluer. Everything was flower power yesterday, but now people only wanted to discuss war. He had spent years writing songs to uplift people and turn them on to the brighter side of life, but it seemed to be doing no good.
He started to think of a way to wake people up, to bring them to consciousness. He decided that by taking a wrathful form he may be able to subdue the people of this Age of Darkness. He realized that the beings in this Dark Age were poor and needy, experiencing only suffering; by adapting a wrathful form he could provide them with an antidote to their pain so that their needs may be met.
As he thought of this, dark blue letters spelling H-U-N-G emerged from his palm and he transformed into the Instantaneous Protector of Wisdom. In all the lands, the ground shook with sexual kind of earthquakes; the people were terrified and turned on at last!
The Partridge Family Temple is pleased to announce a brand-new Pft! holiday. It’s called Black Friday and takes place the day after Thanksgiving. We at the Temple understand that God is the ultimate consumer. In a sense the Universe is like a gigantic Walmart and God just can’t wait to consume all that stuff. We also understand that we were created in God’s image which means we are all little consumers. Here today, gone tomorrow. And you know what? God’s gonna stock those shelves again. Maybe it won’t be a dodo bird. Maybe even something way better than a dodo bird.
When you think of Black Friday just think BLACK as in the Black Arts, Black Mother Kali, Richard Pryor, the Black Madonna and her puka shell-wearing Son Freak and the Nigredo. Then you have to think about FRIDAY. You got your German freak Frigg and the in-crowd hangout TGI Fridays, then of course sweet, sweet Venus. Now you dig, these are just groovy incarnations of Shirley Partridge. So starting tomorrow set your alarm clocks for All Consuming God Fun!
Artwork by Whale Song Partridge; Scripture by The Partridge in the Pear Tree
Seven Up Partridge sings a lovely song with his lovely Brothers and Sisters:
Wind Chimes Partridge
K is for Kaleidoscope Partridge
The Partridge in the Pear Tree
Ray Kroc approved artwork by Whale Song Partridge
Recorded in the Cosmic Egg of Shirley Studio, Fog City
Every morning Den Fujita would wake up and wander outside. He would sit down on a park bench overlooking a brook that flowed through his property. In his right hand he would hold a long string of smooth beads, which he rubbed one at a time while he visualized each item on the McDonald’s menu.
During this meditation one morning, he began to concentrate on the word death, fingering each bead as he focused on the word. He remembered that 800,000 people died in Japan every year, but that 1.5 million were also born.
The 800,000 going to the cemetery are scrap iron, he thought to himself with a smile, They won’t eat burgers. But the 1.5 million will.
An excerpt from Fortune Magazine, 1986
“There is no one way to salvation, whatever the manner in which a man may proceed. All forms and variations are governed by the eternal intelligence of the Universe that enables a man to approach perfection. It may be in the study of war or the study of peace. Each is as important as the other. The difference only exists within your mind.” – Miyamoto Musashi
Art Scene by Whale Song Partridge
- !!!TV God Power!!!
- Albuquerque Affirmations
- Albuquerque Is Coming Down Fast!
- All is Larry David, Larry David is All
- Anne Will Set You Frank!
- Honey, What's On God Tonight? I Don't Know. Look in the TV Guide.
- Is That Bobby Sherman? Oh My God, I Could Just Die!
- Like hey, man. What is The Partridge Family Temple?
- Lookin' For God in All the Right-On Places
- Mom & Pop God Shoppe: Partridge Freak Gear
- Nervous Mother Un-Driving
- Once Upon a Time, There Was a Holiday
- Partridge to the People Turn On!
- Pft! Trading Card Series
- The All is Flowing Family of God
- The God Scene
- The Magic Kingdom of God Lies Within You!
- The Partridge Family Temple Cookbook of God
- The Partridge People Have Something To Say To You
- The Pineapple Queen Makes the Scene
- The Reuben Kincaid Sandwich of God with Extra Thousand Island and Pickle on the Side
- The Seven Rays of Kroc
- Umbrella Man, Do You Understand?
- We Are All Blind and Deaf to the God Scene