Amma Too Tight

She waited in line for hours. And as she did, she watched the crowds; some of them smiling, some of them chanting quietly. There was much excitement in the convention center. As the line moved along, she noticed the tables selling merchandise and gifts. Finally she arrived at the foot of the stage and some handlers walked her up the stairs.

Sitting on the stage smiling was the Hugging Saint. The woman reached out to her and Amma embraced her in her warm, Amma arms. And then the woman whispered in the Hugging Saint’s ear, “Why do you lie to your followers? Why do you tell them that when there’s volcanos and earthquakes that the Earth is angry and to envision white petals of peace floating to the ground? These people come to you for guidance and edification and you give them trite, flaky fairytales. How do you sleep at night?”

The Hugging Saint started to recoil but the woman held her tighter and continued, “Do you see how many people are here for you? They’re seekers. Some are broken. Some may have mental health issues. You predicted nuclear war and said that no child younger then five will live to adulthood after the year 2012 A.D. It’s 2018 now. Don’t gurus have calendars?”

The woman hugged the Hugging Saint tighter and again asked, “Why do you lie to these people? Why do you charge people $20 for a Hershey bar? Where does the money go? People say that it goes to charities but you’re raking in the bread and yet there’s no real information out there about who’s being helped.”

Amma’s handlers started to walk towards the woman but the woman turned and stared at them and when she did, the handlers stopped mid-step and didn’t move again. She turned back and whispering very quietly into the saint’s ear she said, “I know why you do this. Because I cooked you in the oven of my mind. But it’s time for you to no longer hug people who are truly crying out for help. And it’s time for me to hug you.”

And with that, Shirley Partridge hugged Amma with all her love as Amma turned to dust, swirling on the stage and slowly floating down the steps.


Womanizer Power!

The Partridge Family Temple practices Un-Yoga which is just a new-and-improved name for Kundalini Yoga. And nothing says Serpent Power like Britney Spears. So next time you hit the yoga mat or be up in the club, get high on America’s #1 Bubblegum Princess or Shakti and meditate upon this spiritually-charged Britney Spears of Destiny image!

Watch me move when I lose, when I lose it hard
Get you off with the touch, dancin’ in the dark
You notice what I’m wearin’, I’m noticin’ you starin’
You know that I can take it to the next level, baby
Hotter than the A-list, next one on my hit list
Baby, let me blow your mind tonight

Woah oh oh oh oh oh oh
Woah oh oh oh oh oh oh
Woah oh oh oh oh oh oh
Woah oh oh oh oh oh oh

Woah oh oh oh oh oh oh
Woah oh oh oh oh oh oh
Woah oh oh oh oh oh oh
Woah oh oh oh oh oh oh

UN-FACT: Britney Spears dated Justin Timberlake who sang a hit song, “Cry Me a River”. The river he’s talking about is the ancient Saraswati River.

UN-FACT: When you practice Un-Yoga, remember that Britney’s last name is another way of saying “danda staff”.

Pft! Yantra by Whale Song Partridge
Blow By Blow by The Partridge in the Pear Tree


Danny, You Know!

Once upon a time, David Cassidy pulled Danny Partridge out of the fire. Everyone in the Land of Albuquerque frowned upon this but David knew that his brother was in a dire situation. Danny Partridge was very thankful and to show his appreciation, he burnt every single person in Albuquerque who frowned when David pulled Danny out of the fire.

You too can be a Danny Advocate when you wear this screaming, boss t-shirt. Design and Light Bulb Session by Whale Song Partridge and The Partridge in the Pear Tree.

UN-FACT: When you bring your children camping and they cook S’mores over the fire, you’re teaching your children to worship the Devil.

Merry Keithmas

The Partridge Family Temple are proud to be saying Merry Keithmas again.

We are proud to have led the charge against the assault of our cherished and beautiful phrase.


Pft! Sound by Seven-Up Partridge, Windchimes Partridge, TV Dinner Partridge, Daffodil Jelly Partridge & Honey Partridge…As Seen on Pft! 
45 Record Jacket by Whale Song Partridge