LIKE, HEY MAN. WHAT IS THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY TEMPLE?
Interviewer: Let me get this straight. There’s a religion based on that 70’s TV show, The Partridge Family?
PFT: No, Man. There’s a cult based on that 70’s TV show, The Partridge Family.
PFT: Why, rhymes with Lie. And the Temple is really Turned-Off to the Lie Scene. We like the Reality Scene. We invented Reality TV, you dig?
Interviewer: Yeah, but Reality TV sucks.
PFT: I’m not talking about the shows you watch. I’m talking about the shows the Partridge People watch. And they’re really fantastic.
Interviewer: I’ve heard a lot of negative things about the Temple. What gives?
PFT: Well, the Partridge Family Temple loves Shirley Partridge, which is Mother Nature. I think that’s what you’re talking about.
Interviewer: What does that mean?
PFT: Like, do you dig all those earthquakes, Mother Shirley has been throwing at you? We at the Temple, call them “God Happenings”.
Interviewer: Man, that’s really uncool.
PFT: Well, you’ll have to take that up with Mother Nature. She’s a really groovy, hit TV series.
Interviewer: Man, TV brainwashes people. It dictates what you should buy, what you should eat, what kind of music you should listen to.
PFT: So let me get this straight. What you’re saying is, “People are so stupid, that TV actually decides what they think.”
Interviewer: Yeah, well. Not all people. Some people can see through the bullshit, man.
PFT: Did you ever think that the people that buy the things that TV tells them to, are just simply stupid? Or possibly have impeccable taste?
Interviewer: Man, you don’t know the power that TV wields on the masses.
PFT: Yes, we do. We understand the masses very well. And that brings us back to the fact that the Partridge Family Temple is not a religion, but part of the Cult Scene.
Interviewer: Yeah, but cults are dangerous.
PFT: Only when the followers are as stupid as the people you’re talking about.
Interviewer: What do you mean by that?
PFT: The Partridge Family Temple lives in the Now. We love cults. And we go through the history comic books and we take everything God and Plenty out of the cults from the past and leave what doesn’t get a good enough TV signal behind. Jim Jones; great sunglasses. The Process Church; yeah, Jesus and Satan should get it on. The Love Family; great look. Love Steve Allen. The Manson Family; balling’s fun. The desert is a cool place to trip. The Mel Lyman Family; real estate is important. After all, it’s the Real State. The Source Family; a vegetarian diet and early meditation is wonderful. And the robes are to die for! The Moonies; flowers are cool. The Rajneesh devotees; Mike Nesmith wore a wool cap.
Interviewer: Hey, some of these groups are really dangerous. Why would you want to be associated with them?
PFT: Why would you want to be associated with Mother Nature?
Interviewer: What are you talking about? You already brought Mother Nature up.
PFT: Like the commercial says, “It’s not nice to fool Mother Nature”.
Interviewer: Oh, wow. A riddle from a commercial. And why do you feel it’s necessary to speak in riddles, anyway?
PFT: God speaks in riddles. Life is a gigantic riddle. And we are trying to figure that riddle out. We make mistakes along the way, but if our TV reception is good, we learn from our mistakes.
Interviewer: Well, at least you admit that you make mistakes.