I just got back from the Midnight Showing of the new flick, Black Friday and to be honest with you I have no idea what I just saw. Who wrote this script? It’s late so I’m going to write a short review and really try to give you an idea of what this movie is about. But like I said, I have no idea. 

So in a nutshell, Robert Beck, who some of you may know as Iceberg Slim and a notorious pimp and now author, stars in his first movie role. And guess what? He plays a pimp in this movie also. His name is Young Turkey. Whenever he walks down the street people always shout out in respect, “Young, dumb and full of gobble!”

Well anyway, if that’s not weird enough, Diahann Carroll from the beloved TV series, Julia plays the female pimp nemesis, Mama Too Tight. In a storyline too convoluted to explain to you, the average reader, basically Mama Too Tight lays a major con on Young Turkey and takes his entire stable of girls and becomes the most popular madame.

Young Turkey is very angry and in one scene that makes no sense, drinks an entire bottle of alcohol and then hallucinates like he did LSD. It’s 1973 people, not 1967! That’s when he meets the infamous singer, Screaming Jay Hawkins, famous for his song, “I Won a Spelling Bee”. 

Screaming Jay Hawkins asks Young Turkey what the problem is. After Young Turkey confesses his predicament, Screaming Jay Hawkins says, “You know what you need to do, you need to find the best bitch, the finest bitch…the ultimate bitch and trick her ass out.”

Young Turkey wakes up the next day and decides, and I’m not making this up readers, to trick out the Goddess Kali. At this point I don’t even know how to explain what, why or how. It would be easier to tell you where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. But Young Turkey, in a ritual in a graveyard meets Kali and convinces this ancient goddess to turn tricks for him; my apologies to the Hindu community. 

She’s so good at her job that by the end of the movie, Young Turkey is now the King of Pimps and Mama Too Tight for some reason stomps her feet and explodes in a ball of fire. Then Screaming Jay Hawkins comes out and sings a song about how Young Turkey put a pimp hand to some ancient four-armed goddess ho who wears a garland of johns around her neck and could jack four clients off and suck an entire neighborhood with that big, fat red tongue.

I will say this though, Robert Beck is a very fine actor and Diahann Carroll should get a better agent. 

Happy High Holiday, Black Friday from The Partridge Family Temple!

Movie poster by Whale Song Partridge

Film review transcribed by The Partridge in the Pear Tree 

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