The Keith is Dead, Long Live the Cassidy!

The mourners all in black sit clutching rosary beads, lunch boxes, autographed photographs and patches. Tears stream down their faces as a steady rain falls from the gray sky, dripping off the tree branches and leaves. Shirley Partridge stands up wearing a black velvet trouser suit, her hair glowing beautiful and blonde on this dreary day. The white casket has not yet been lowered into the black, yawning rectangle beneath it.

Shirley smiles slightly and begins, “To quote Stephen Adley Guirgis, 
‘No parent should have to bury a child … No mother should have to bury a son. Mothers are not meant to bury sons. It is not in the natural order of things.’”

People start to sob loudly but she continues, “But we know in truth that this is the natural order of things. There are a lot of things that are painful that grow from the bitter harvest of truth and we should never forsake the opportunity to eat deeply from that fruit, even if it’s taste is ever so bitter.”

Tears well up in Shirley’s eyes as she continues, “Keith was the apple of my eye and now we plant his seed into the earth so his truth can take root and grow like the living vine that is everlasting.”

The mourners slowly start to rip at their black clothes until they sit and stand naked, shivering in the relentless downpour of rain. Laurie, Danny, Christopher, Tracy and Rueben sit stoically, as tears flow down their faces, pooling onto the ground, mixing with the rain and the mud.

Bobby Sherman clad in all purple, stands up holding an ancient, dented silver bell and hits it with a wooden stick causing it to ring loud and pure all over the graveyard. As he rings the bell over and over again, the white casket is slowly lowered into the black doorway of the Earth.

As Shirley and Laurie and Danny throw handfuls of dirt onto the casket, Christopher and Tracy sing in unison with trembling voices:

There’s an aching in my head
From this bed I can’t get used to
It’s these little hours in the dark, I dread
As I spend my first night alone without you

Half of me has gone away
Gone the love I learned to cling to
Tomorrow I’ll have to find a way
To live the rest of my life alone without you…

The Partridge Family Temple would like to thank David Cassidy, a.k.a. Keith Partridge for his existence and his ongoing inspiration. His music, his voice and his many amazing appearances on television. We will never forget you as you have never forgotten your fans. We celebrate your life in the New Forever and we hope one day to be united in Albuquerque with you in the Land of Milk and Honey.

Rise Invictus Partridge April 12, 1950 – November, 21, 2017

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McBalance!

On October 5th 1902, Mary Rose Hrach held her newborn son to her bosom. She had no idea that the child she would name Ray would one day try to bring balance to a divided world. Ray Kroc understood the world was a slaughterhouse. In the bloody field and dales of everyday life a child could experience happiness by ordering two cheeseburgers, a small fry and a delicious milkshake.

When Ray Kroc had a hard time sleeping or concentrating, he would imagine a black chalkboard with a bunch of messy writing. He would mentally take an eraser and erase the board which would bring him sleep and peace of mind. Later people took this concept and called it McMindful McMeditation.

Ray Kroc passed from his earthly cheeseburger wrapper on January 24, 1984 because Janus is the God of duality and new beginnings. Also, the modern world right now resembles that beloved children’s classic George Orwell’s 1984. But his spirit lives on now in a troubling time when the world is comically split down the middle, Ray Kroc’s beautiful message and zodiac sign of balance is needed more now than ever.

So let’s go to McDonald’s and get a Happy Meal and inside we’ll find the Pearl of Great Price!

McLibra ad by Whale Song Partridge
Zodiac Session by The Partridge in the Pear Tree

Cassidy Consciousness

In 1970, some misplaced Dead Sea Scrolls were found. This is a fragment of Codex XXIV:

The stone fell from the mother’s crown and brought great blessings to the people who plucked the little stones from the pear and understood the secret of the fire that consumes all flesh.

David Cassidy performed all of his hits and more for the Ohio audience. Scores of Cassidy fanatics had to be carried out by policemen who slipped on the wet of the seed but later grew on rocky soil.

Reuben Kincaid pushed his way through the throngs of the howling masses, collapsed at the foot of the tree and looking up said, “I am here, Lord.”

Cassidy said, “Reuben, I can see your office from here.”

David Cassidy sat in the garden with a wooden bowl full of milk. He said to his flock, “If you would delight in the glory of Albuquerque you would bathe my feet in the honey of my sister while I drink the milk of my mother.”

Brenda and her best pal Sally got on their hands and knees as David Cassidy and his best friend offered their soft honey hive through the gate of Cassidy’s mansion. Soon Brenda and her best pal Sally had pleasured David and his best friend, for they were sticky and erect. As Brenda swallowed the seed, it was bitter because it was not the seed that Sally, her best pal had just swallowed. A bear was lurking in the background.

You may call me a rolling stone
I’m a freeborn man and I stand alone
Come looking for a little satisfaction

I can warm your coldest night
I’ll make everything alright, c’mon

You better hold me while you can
You’re gonna lose your midnight man
Now come on and rock me, rock me

And the mother who was the father sang so brightly that the darkness crept away. And in the darkness the red freckled beast gnashed it’s teeth and scurried away.

Being together is my kind of fun
Learning your ups and your downs
Is my dance in the sun

Polly and Beverly fell to the ground when Cassidy removed the crown of thorns from his head and the blood flowed freely after the sold-out concert at Wembley Stadium. Beverly and Polly walked out of the backstage area, their heads freshly anointed with the mark of Cain. The best autograph anyone could ever hope to have.

When you sit like a flower you’ll be pollinated like a bee.

UNFACT: True believers understand that when David Cassidy stings them, He will not die but will continue to pollinate the Chosen Hive.

Codex XXIV scroll interpretation by Whale Song Partridge 
Codex XXIV translation by The Partridge in the Pear Tree