The Partridge Family Temple

Tracy is coloring in her coloring book at the back of the bus. She looks down and sees something underneath one of the chairs. She gets up, and slides off the chair. Her sweet, little tambourine  fingers pick up something. She puts it to her face and looks. It’s a long, balloon-like thing full of a thick, white gel. She walks up to Laurie, “Laurie? What is this?”

Laurie smiles and says, “That’s your brother.”

Tracy says, “What do you mean?”

Laurie laughs and says, “Go talk to mom.”

Tracy’s adorable, little feet take her to the front of the bus. Her mom is nervously driving. “Mom? What’s this?”

Shirley looks down and sees the used scum bag. She smiles and says, “That could very well be the Savior of the Human Race.”

Later that day, Tracy has tied some blue yarn around the rubber bag and has fashioned herself a necklace. She places it to her mouth, kissing it and says, “I love you Keith.”

The next Monday at school, Keith is called into the principle’s office. Mr. Skinner is furious. “Keith, I’ve called  your mother already. She’s on her way down to pick you up. Do you realize what the female students are doing?”

Keith’s big toothy smile mouth says, “Hey, man. I have no idea. What gives?”

“Well, Keith!” Mr. Skinner explodes. They’re wearing used profolactics full of male ejaculate as necklaces. I had a problem with long hair and mini skirts. But this has gone way too far! What is the meaning of this?! They keep kissing them and saying, “I love you, Keith Partridge”.”

Keith looks real serious and says, “Gee, Mr. Skinner. I guess the time has finally come. No pun intended.”

Mr. Skinner screams, “Do you think you’re being cute, Keith Partridge?! You’ll see how cute you feel when your mother gets here!”

At that moment, Mr. Skinner’s intercom buzzes and a voice crackles, “A Mrs. Partridge here to see you, Sir.”

“Send her in!”

Shirley walks into the office and sits down with her pink purse in her green, mini dress lap. She asks, “So, why did you call me? Did Keith do something wrong?”

Mr. Skinner looks uncomfortable but finally pulls out one of the full rubbers tied with orange yarn. Shirley laughs, “Oh, that. Wow! That’s really taking off. My daughter Tracey started that fashion when she found one of Keith’s used scum bags on the tour bus. Apparently, even though I told my son not to do this, he went ahead and groped a groupie after the gig. And because Keith’s a messy boy, he forgot to clean up after himself. It’s like talking to a wall when I tell him to take out the trash.”

Mr. Skinner looks completely confused. “Mrs. Partridge. Do you realize how serious this is?”

Shirley looks at him, stands up and says, “Do you know how serious this is? Behold the resurrection and the glory. Sitting before you is the Chosen Fun. Night’s fading, Mr. Skinner. Soon, all the children will wear used scum bags. But they won’t just wear them. They’ll drink from them. Because Keith is the Divine Seed of God. Do you know who God is, Mr. Skinner?”

At this moment, Keith gets on his hands and knees and bows before his mother and Shirley continues, “I am God. I am the All. I created you and everything else.”

Shirley looks down at her son and says, “The time for bowing to me is over. It is time for the world to bow to you.”

And with that, Keith stands up and removes all of his clothes. When Mr. Skinner sees the size of his cock, he realizes that a new morning has dawned. And then he hears singing. Keith grabs his hand and they walk into the hallways that are empty. They walk outside into the courtyard and all the students are there. Keith reaches out his hands and says, “I think I love you. But you didn’t even say a word. You didn’t have to.”