On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a Partridge in a Pear Tree.

My Partridge Family Temple name is The Partridge in the Pear Tree. But in all actuality, everyone in the Temple has that God handle. We are the seed Tracy planted in the sandbox with her plastic shovel and hoe. Danny watered it with his hot yellow piss. Laurie pulled up her mini skirt and laid a pink egg as Keith shot, hot thick Sunshine all over it. Christopher got on his hands and knees and kissed it as his heart beat filled the air. Then Shirley started to sing and as she sang, a pear tree grew tall and full.

Beneath the pear tree a partridge laid an egg and made her nest. (Sir John Woodroffe wrote, “Two fingers above the anus and two fingers below the Medhra is the Kanda-mula, in shape like a bird’s egg, and four fingers’ breadth in extent.”)


Once the partridge was a dinosaur they say. Then through the miracle of stop motion animation, the dinosaur became a bird. The partridge mother hatches her egg and a serpent named Snake slithers up the pear tree and hangs from the seventy-two branches like white lightening. Spring comes and as Laurie dances around the pear tree, the tree grows thick and heavy with golden pears.

The pear is also “pair”; two. For the pear tree was planted by the Union organizer of Opposites. The Honeymooners and My Three Sons always play in the background of this pear tree. Finally the partridge finds it’s wings and flies to the top of the pear tree and eats from the Heavenly Fruit. Her beak is sticky and wet with Television Consciousness.

Everyday we can sit beneath the pear tree and slowly Turn-On the Eternal Sitcom of God.

All you have to do is turn your mind off and turn your TV Right-On!

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