Shirley Enlightening the World

The Brown Goblins hang over the boat as it enters Albuquerque’s harbor. They hiss and grunt. Their tongues lull and rip upon their sharp yellow teeth. Soon they see through the mist a yellow orb flashing brightly.

The Captain of the ship turns around. He’s wearing a purple captains uniform with lemon yellow zip-up boots and gloves to match. He turns to the Brown Goblins and smiling says, “My name is Keith and it’s been a pleasure being your captain but we’re about to dock. I know it’s hard to see with all the mist but the gang plank will hit solid ground and if you follow that bright yellow light you’ll find where you need to go.”

The Brown Goblins howl and fall upon the Captain pulling his arm from it’s socket and throwing it in the air. As the other Brown Goblins fall upon him, ripping him apart the Captain dies with a huge, grinning teeth mouth soft and warm.

The Brown Goblins swarm onto dry land and they can hardly see. Then before them on a cobblestone path a red-headed freckled creature with a lantern shouts out, “Follow me! This is the way.”

In a matter of minutes the red-headed freckled creature is a red pool of blood and the lantern has been smashed to pieces. Then the Brown Goblins hear someone singing and sitting cross-legged on the ground is a teenage girl with long brown hair with a pink lotus for a mouth. She smiles and says, “Wow! You made it. I have no protest sign that says you can’t come on in.”

The Brown Goblins fall upon her and then screaming fall back. She stands before them now, floating a few feet off the ground naked and her body is orange. Her long brown hair swirls as if underwater. Her eyes are now orange. Like beams they shine the way further up the path where the yellow orb is flashing.

12705448_1173227206020738_539860257369393404_n
And then out of the mist there walks a beautiful lady with a blonde, shag hairdo. She’s wearing a dark green flowing robe and sandals made of the same colour. In one arm she holds a TV Guide and in her hand she holds a 7Up can lamp with a pulsing yellow light bulb.

The Brown Goblins howl and scream and smash their fists against the ground. But then the woman opens her mouth and the Brown Goblins stop their gnashing of teeth and fall. Quickly they are nothing but brown mist that rises up and disappears in the warm, psychedelic pulsating yellow light.

And then the woman sings the most beautiful song,

“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breath free.
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me.
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

Liberation Happening by Whale Song Partridge
TV Guide The Partridge in the Pear Tree

Pft! Trading Card #37

The Partridge Family Temple practices what we eat. Life is a world of opposites. Half Mordor, Half Lothlórien. And sometimes you have to eat that Mordor Sandwich on Wonder Bread with French’s mustard that Shirley made for you before you went to school. With golden apples for the Brown Goblin teachers in your back pocket.

10258909_1182383585105100_5723464077890808770_n
Haiku!: Bubblegum Partridge

Trading Card!: Whale Song Partridge

The Secret of the Golden Arches

“Hey, man. Look at this Big Brother and the Holding Company poster. That would look really boss under a black light.”

Sally turns and smiles, “Yeah. Or what about that poster of that purple and blue cat…oh, wait a second…oh, wait! Hey, check out this poster of a man eating a hamburger.”

Donny turns around and says, “Wow! What’s it say?”

Sally squints and reads out loud, “Remember, the burger is not cooked until both sides are done.”

12814560_1187449541265171_6781247252849679477_n

Donny nods his head and says, “Man, that’s really heavy. Who said that?”

A man with thick, black hair and a beard wearing all denim turns around and says, “Hey, man. That’s Sri Kroc. Have you cats read “The Secret of the Golden Arches”? It’s fantastic, man. Really, really fantastic. You should buy that poster and I think they’ve got the book here, too. Really good stuff.”

Later Sally and Donny stare at the poster hanging on the wall. The pink candle slowly melting throws beautiful shadows. In the corner Chocolate George starts crying. He wipes the snot from his nose and says, “Man, I really love the thousand sun franchise of God.”

Pft! poster by Pika Partridge
Slang by Shaunald McDonald

Peggy Olson Pitches Un-Yoga

I know right now things seem overwhelming and out of control. What do you do at a time like this?

What can you do?

I mean really, at the end of the day, what are your options? Well, you can work yourself into a hysterical, irrational, emotional mess which seems to be in fashion right now or you can join an Un-Yoga studio.

What is Un-Yoga?

11215179_1197106663632792_7382559996062406790_n

Un-Yoga is for the God-Freak on the Go. Some people think they need to go to an ashram or a retreat or an expensive meditation class in a far-away foreign land. But Un-Yoga doesn’t work that way. Because Un-Yoga understands that the office is an ashram. The over-crowded bus is an ashram. Going to the grocery store is an ashram. Being torn apart by Brown Goblins is an ashram.

We’re all drafted into the Late Great Planet Vietnam bestseller. But we also have another option and that’s to burn our Brown Goblin draft card.

Just because the conflict is around the corner doesn’t mean that you have to be.

Un-Yoga…It’s Somewhere in the Middle

Presentation in Peggy Olson’s voice for Pft!
Copy by The Partridge in the Pear Tree
Art by Whale Song Partridge