Reuben wakes up naked on his shag carpet living room floor. He smells the puke in his hair and realizes as he stretches his legs that they’re coated with dried shit. He groans. Then hears loud squeals of joy coming from his bedroom. His fuzzy, foggy brain starts to put the pieces together from the night before. He remembers going to his favorite bar and picking up two gorgeous stewardesses. One with a short, brown pixie hairdo. The other with long, delicious honey-blonde hair down to her shoulders. He remembers coming back to his apartment and then more drinking. The last thing he remembers, is remembering that he had some quaaludes on him. His head throbs.
He slowly pulls himself to his feet and stumbles to his bedroom door which is half open. He freezes. On his bed are the two stewardesses from last night, naked and sweat gleaming. Fucking both of them is a ten-year-old, freckle-faced red head. The boy has his right hand up the blonde’s pussy and he is fucking the brunette from behind. Their eyes are glazed and rolling in the back of their head. Reuben thinks to himself, “I’ve never seen a chick do that before.”
At that moment, the red-headed imp stops and slowly turns and stares at him. Reuben croaks, “Who are you? How’d you get in my apartment?”
The red-freckled creature smiles. Loud, slurpy sucking sounds fill the air as he withdrawals his hand and shaft from the stewardesses. His freckled brilliance gleams wet with hot fuck sweat. Reuben takes note of the disturbing red pubic hair and freckles at the base of his penis. “Hi. My name’s Danny. Danny Partridge. Me and my family have a band and I think you’re the guy to manage us. You know booking gigs, media, money. Lots and lots of money. And things like this.” He nods his head towards the stewardesses.
Reuben is confused. “How did you even find my house? Who do you think you are even coming in here?”
Danny smiles. “I’m Danny Partridge. I chose you specifically. Mom’s not sure, Keith’s flaky and my sister Laurie is probably balling some biker right now. But you’re the one. So anyway, here’s the address. Come by our house and watch us practice and we’ll discuss your fee.”
Reuben bellows, “You have a hell of a lot of nerve, kid. I’m calling the cops right now.”
Danny laughs and says, “I don’t think you should do that.”
Reuben counters, “Why? What are you going to do?”
Danny closes his eyes, clenches his hands and his head rolls back as black, thick smoke pours from his mouth. Reuben smells something burning. It’s coming from his bedroom. He turns around and looks into the room and sees two piles of burning and twisting corpses slowly lighting the bed on fire as they collapse into it. Their disembodied shrieks fill the air. Danny turns back to Rueben and says, “Oh, by the way. Did I mention I’m a God?”
Saturday afternoon, Reuben Kincaid sits in the Partridge’s living room talking to Shirley. As they drink coffee and eat coffee cake Shirley asks, “So how did you come to hear about us? We haven’t played any shows yet. To be quite honest with you, I’m a little nervous.”
Reuben replies, “I’ve an ear for talent. I was driving down the street, heard you guys practicing and I kept driving around the street. I’m in the entertainment industry and I can tell talent when I hear it.”
Danny slowly walks in from the den. “Who’s this, Mom?”
Shirley turns and smiles. “Oh, I believe this is our new manager. Reuben Kincaid, this is my son Danny.”
A little girl with brown, curly hair slowly walks alongside a busy highway. She is crying. She starts to walk into traffic, not knowing where she’s going. All of a sudden a gigantic, psychedelic-painted bus screeches to a halt in front of her. The door opens and Keith is the first to hit the gravel. He grabs the girl in his groovy-striped arms. The girl is trembling. Keith asks her name.
Shirley is the second to get off the bus. She looks at the girl and then tells Keith, “Don’t bother asking her name. She’s blind and deaf.”
Laurie’s the third off the bus and asks, “I wonder if her family lives around here.”
Danny says, “She’s wearing a weird, old dress. She’s probably a hillbilly, or worse.”
Tracey punches him in the arm and says, “She not hillbilly. She scared.”
The cars keep honking behind the bus. Reuben yells from inside the bus, “Hey! We have a show to make and we’re already late!”
Shirley makes a quick decision. “Alright, kids. Bring her on the bus.”
They lead her onto the bus and sit her down. Laurie strokes her head and Tracey gives her a soda pop. A few hours later they enter Albuquerque, New Mexico, where their gig is. They quickly unpack their gear, do sound check and eat a delicious buffet dinner finally hitting the stage. As they sing, “Morning Rider on the Road”, they look down and see that the little girl is dancing to the music, and is staring up and waving at each of them. The girl’s dancing is so infectious that the whole room starts to gyrate with psychedelic fervor.
Afterwards, the little girl walks up to them and says, “Gee, thanks for picking me up. I was blind. I couldn’t see. I was deaf. I couldn’t hear. But as soon as I entered Albuquerque, the Land of Enchantment, it was like I was switched on. I could see and hear everything. And I want to thank you so much. Because now I know how to get home.”
Shirley smiles and says, “Thank you so much. That’s the kindest thing I think I’ve ever heard. When you’re on the road as much as we are, life can be hectic. Concert to concert. Buffet to buffet. But the reason we do it is because of people like you. What’s your name?”
“Helen is my first name Keller is my last name.”
Danny says, “I knew that was an old dress.”
Everyone laughs.
Keith, Laurie, Danny and Christopher wake up early, Sunday morning. Danny’s the first to make it to the living room. Shirley’s in the kitchen just finishing making hot chocolate for all of them. “Good morning! Happy Easter!” “Happy Easter, Mom!” Keith yells. They all come in the to the kitchen to grab their hot cocoa. Then they walk back into the living room and sit down Indian-style on the ground. They close their eyes and start to sing:
We are the Sun
We are the Fun
We are the Jellybeans of God
And today is the day
We are new and improved
La, la, la, la…
We are the Fun
We are the Sun
We are the chocolate television
Made of Love
Take a bite receive second sight
La, la, la, la…
We are the Sun
We are the Fun
We re-hatched
To be One
Mother Shirley has lit incense and the room is full of warm happiness. There are gigantic Easter baskets bursting with Easter treats. In the middle of them, is an even bigger one, wrapped in orange cellophane. Shirley smiles and says, “Oh, look! The Easter bunny brought me a basket, too.” She walks up to it and rips the cellophane off. Standing in the basket, is an adorable, redheaded girl holding a tambourine. The redheaded girl jumps out of the basket and starts playing the tambourine. All the children jump up and surround her, joining hands. They spin in a circle and start to sing:
The Easter egg Hunt
Is now complete
Because we have a
Little baby sister ,Peep!
They all hug and kiss her. Shirley sits in the corner, tears of honey run down her cheeks. “My family is One now.” And then, there’s a knock on the door. Laurie opens the door and a gigantic pink pig is riding Rueben Kincaid. He looks embarrassed, but the pig is smiling and clapping his hoofs. It is a fantastic Easter!
