The Partridge Family Temple

The young man slowly walks through the desert. His entire body screams hunger and thirst. He has suffered excruciating Brown Goblin persecution. He gazes through the desert haze and sees the mountain in the distance. He smiles and realizes his journey is halfway done. Slowly, ever so slowly he crawls up the winding mountain path. Finally he sees her.

A beautiful naked woman with a blonde, shag hairdo. She throws her arms open wide for him and brings him to drink from her bosom. After he is drunk deep he falls to his knees before her and tells his story of the Great Goblin War and his place in it. She smiles and then stroking his head says, “Here, let me lessen  your suffering. Drink from my honeycomb hideout.”

As she opens her thighs and she pulls his head between them, he looks behind her and sees that she is shitting. Each new piece of shit is actually a baby, Brown Goblin. As it falls, it quickly grows into a full grown Brown Goblin. He looks closer and sees that the entire valley below is teaming with Brown Goblins that are all waving small triangular felt flags that spell out, “SHIRLEY” in cursive letters.

He turns and looks up into her face.

She smiles and as she guides his head again, she winks at him forever.

For all you Wiccan Awesome, Gaia Freaks and Ovary Champions who are looking for a new fertility statue to enliven your living room or sacred ritual chamber you can’t go wrong with the simple, ancient TV with rabbit ears. This fertility symbol breaks water with hit show after hit show. The rabbit is an ancient symbol of fertility and everyone who worships the great Goddess knows this. The television watches over your children with her loving and warm cathode rays. When you see a child sitting down eating milk and cookies watching TV it is a revolutionary act of smashing the patriarchy. Much like a big-titted mama breast-feeding in public for ALL TO SEE.  

Jack Cassidy hears a commotion outside of his Bastille’s cell window. He takes the toilet paper he’s writing on and hides it behind the crevice of a loose stone in his chamber. He walks to the window and looks down upon the courtyard far below him. A throng has gathered around the guillotine. People are shouting. Prisoners with their hands tied behind their back are led up the stairs to wait in line for their turn at the guillotine. Yet no one seems in charge. People scream louder for blood. And then she comes.

Nearly eight-feet tall, a naked woman as black as night with a black shag haircut to match parts the crowd. She climbs the stairs to the guillotine. The mob has grown silent now, almost embarrassed with their thirst for violence. But the black woman motions to the guards to place the first victim head first into the guillotine. She then pulls the lever and the head rolls into the basket; blood lightly misting the air. 

Head after head is decapitated by the black woman. Jack Cassidy is transfixed staring down in horror. He wants to pry himself away but every time a new victim is fed to the bloody mouth of the guillotine he excitedly watches. And then the black woman stops and slowly turns her head and looks up at him peering out of his barred window. She stares at him and then smiles.