At The Partridge Family Temple, we realize Fidel Castro was on the right side of fast food history when he said, “A revolution is a struggle to the death between the Big Mac and the Whopper.”
Welcome to The Partridge Family Temple. Can we take your order?
Artwork by Whale Song Partridge
The Partridge Family Temple is like old lady Kali. A fine, fine mama. To some people she’s terrifying. To others she’s the most beautiful and grooviest mother you could ever get hip to.
It’s all in the CBS eye of the beholder.
Artwork by Whale Song Partridge
Laurie bursts through the front door yelling, “Mom! Do you know where my picketing supplies have gone to?”
Shirley walks down the stairs. “I think they’re in the garage. What’s your big new protest about?”
Laurie replies, “I’m so flipped out! Do you realize the Fermosan Clouded Leopard, Vietnamese Rhinoceros and the Golden Toad are extinct? And there are even more animals who will become extinct in the next few years?”
“Well, what are you going to do about it, Laurie? Do you think making a protest sign and getting on the news is going to keep these animals from becoming extinct?”
“Maybe not, Mom. But it least it’s going to educate people and hopefully save other animals for future generations.”
“Laurie, I have a fresh batch of butterscotch cookies and Libby’s strawberry fruit whipped drink. Let’s enjoy a snack and have a mother-daughter talk-in .”
“Okay, Mom. But then I’ve got to get busy. A bunch of my activist friends are coming over in an hour.”
Laurie sets her delicious, empty Libby’s strawberry beverage down. Shirley finishes her butterscotch cookie and continues.
“Laurie, it makes me very sad when animals become extinct. But did you ever think in the grand scheme of things, that’s the way it’s supposed to be? The Ground Sloth, the Tasmanian Tiger and the Passenger Pigeon. You have to understand honey, no matter how big your protest sign is, it’s never going to stop Mother Nature. All these things that died are precious and wonderful but once they go new things will take their place. One day the human insect could very well be among their ranks and that’s a beautiful thing because something new will come along.”
“One day new creatures will stumble through the desert and find skeletons of giraffes, dogs, Dairy Queen employees, antelope and teddy bears and they will be amazed and marvel upon these fossils. What were they like? What did they look like? And because these animals are extinct, new creatures will take their place as amazing and fantastic as the others before. Unfortunately Laurie, your Picket Sign Ego has gotten bigger than your protest sign brain pan and you need to do something about it unless you want to go to bed without any supper tonight.”
Laurie ponders and looks at the shag carpet. The doorbell rings and she turns around, opening the front door. She sees all of her activist friends smiling, the smile only the stupidest insect can smile. Laurie slams the door in their faces. They ring the doorbell and then start to knock frantically as hideous, guttural noises fill the air. Finally there is silence. The door opens and Danny walks in eating a box of animal crackers, blood all over his fingers and mouth. Shirley says, “How was school today, Danny? Did you learn anything?”
Danny licks the bloody crumbs from his fingers and says, “Yeah. I fucking hate the dodo bird.”
