(Plop Plop Fizz Fizz) Oh, What a Relief God Is!

Oh, wow is your stomach uptight from all the uptight happenings going down? Then listen to this and have a little Un-Relief from the Pft!.

Beautiful Free & Television Un-Easy Music by Seven Up Partridge & other Godniks who all love 1972.

Un-Creative Advertisement by Whale Song Partridge

Godniks:
Seven Up Partridge (Sweet Easy Guitar & other Jamboree Fixings)
K is for Kaleidoscope Partridge (Sing-Song)
James James Fairlee (Vietnam Vet, Screaming & Shouting)
Wind Chimes Partridge (Sing Song & Tamborine)
Peanut Butter Partridge (Sing-Song)
The Partridge in the Pear Tree (Sing-Song)

The Real Story of Easter

Shirley was very concerned. Keith hadn’t come home for hours. It was a Friday night and Danny said the last time he saw him, he was making a bee-line for the soda fountain. Yet now it’s seven o’ clock, two hours after dinner was on the table. Keith Partridge is not home. Reuben tries to reassure Shirley that Keith is probably at one of his girlfriend’s house watching “Love, American Style” and he’ll probably be home any minute.

Shirley shakes her head and says, “Okay, kids. Let’s get in the bus. We’re going to look for him.”

Everyone piles in the psychedelic bus and they’re soon driving up and down the streets yet no Keith is found. Danny folds his arms and says, “I told you. Keith’s a flake. When you need him he’s always looking out for himself.”

Laurie turns and gives Danny a strange look. Shirley pulls the bus back into the driveway and sadly walks back into the house. Saturday comes and Keith hasn’t shown up. Reuben has made a personal call to Adam-12. They sit on the couch by the phone waiting.

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Shirley drinks a warm glass of milk as she goes to bed Saturday night deeply worried that something bad has happened to Keith. That night Laurie takes on three different biker gangs in the garage trying to divulge information but she gets nothing except for the satisfaction of doing a job well done.

Shirley hears a weird noise in the kitchen at four in the morning. She creeps down the stairs and sees Danny with his Cub Scout back pack and filling his thermos with Tang. Shirley watches Danny leave the house and then has Tracy and Christopher follow him. Tracy keeps rubbing her eyes saying, “Mommy, I’m sleepy.”

Christopher walks into the door frame and says “Ow, tired.”

Shirley hugs him and says, “Go forth and tell me what I need to know.”

As soon as she says that, Tracy and Christopher’s eyes glow and eagerly they take to the streets, running on all fours sniffing the ground. Shirley sits in the kitchen drinking a Carnation Instant Breakfast drink. When she hears Chris and Tracy screaming, she takes off her clothes and is out the back door running at full speed naked. She comes over a hill and sees Christopher and Tracy lying strangled and dead before an old garage on the edge of the forest.

A weird twisted sound fills the air and as her perfect foot softly steps on the wet, dewy grass Danny’s red freakish face pops up, his mouth red with gore from eating Christopher and Tracy. Shirley quickly walks up to Danny and grabs him by the ear and says, “I’ve already lost two kids. I’m not going to lose a third. Where’s your brother Keith?”

Danny cries, “I don’t know!”

Shirley whispers in his ear, “Do you want me to pick off all of your freckles because you know if I do you’ll have never existed.”

Danny starts to cry and points to the garage behind them. She opens the door and finds Keith lying there as if asleep but she knows that it’s much worse. She makes a whistle whisper and soon Laurie is there. She goes into the garage and then comes back out. “Mother,” she asks. “Will you comb my long, brown hair?”

Shirley smiles and pulls out a golden brush with silver bristles and starts to comb out her long, beautiful hair. All of a sudden the most beautiful smell fills the air and everything around them turns a strange, molten, golden hue. Shirley and Laurie turn and the garage has melted away. Standing before them is their beloved Keith Partridge and all is Golden. 1970-1974

The Origin of Easter & Other Fairytales by Shaun Partridge
Book Jacket by Whale Song Partridge

The Partridge Family Temple Food Pyramid Recipes of God

The Partridge People follow a strict, healthy and vegetarian diet that also includes meat and other meat products. We believe that you can create delicious, healthy vegetarian meals from Shirley’s bountiful bounty. All you need is a little know-how in the kitchen and a God recipe.

We understand that following a strict vegetarian diet is not only good for you but is a ritual and takes discipline which makes you more aware of your surroundings. It’s very easy when you’re hungry to just pull over to the nearest Kentucky Fried Chicken and eat an entire bucket of the Colonel’s Secret Recipe. You know why? Because it’s finger-lickin’ good.

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Nowadays, Temple members have it easy tracking down organic vegetables for mouth-watering vegetarian dishes. Not to mention at the same places you can buy organic vegetables, you can also buy cruelty-free meat. These animals live in an earthly paradise until they are sucker-punched to death by people they thought were their friends. In fact if you want, you can combine your vegetarian meal with a meat entree.

As long as it’s a strict vegetarian meal, Shirley Partridge will smile and says, “Bon Appétit!”

The Partridge Family Temple is working on a Pft! cookbook and so from time to time we’ll share recipes and would love for you to share some tried and true vegetarian recipes of your own.

Pft! Cookbook Artwork by: Whale Song Partridge
Introduction by: The Partridge in the Pear Tree

LAURIE’S DEEP-FILLED HOMITY PIE

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LAURIE’S DEEP-FILLED HOMITY PIE

Pastry Ingredients:
1 & 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
1/2 tsp salt
8 tbsp unsalted butter
2 tbsp cold water

Filling Ingredients:
1 large potato, cut into 1 inch chunks
1 tbsp olive oil
1 leek, diced
1 medium carrot, diced
1 cup mushrooms, diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 handful of baby spinach, chopped
1/4 cup parsley, finely chopped
3 tbsp Greek yogurt
1/2 tsp Dijon mustard
1 cup cheddar cheese, graded. Divide in half.

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Rub chilled butter into flour, then knead in chilled water to form dough. Place in fridge.

2. Place potatoes in a large pot of water and bring to a boil. Cook until potatoes are tender. Remove from heat and drain.

3. Heat olive oil over medium heat in a large frying pan or skillet. Add leek and carrot, cook for 5 minutes until softened. Add mushrooms and garlic, continue cooking for 2 minutes. Add spinach and parsley, turning a few times until the spinach begins to wilt. Transfer mixture to a large bowl.

4. Add cooked potatoes to bowl of veggie mixture. Stir in the yogurt, mustard and half of the cheddar cheese. Season with pepper and mild salt. Set aside and preheat oven to 425 F

5. Remove chilled pastry dough from fridge, roll dough as thinly as possible on a floured surface. Carefully transfer to a greased pie pan and press edges down.

6. Gently pour veggie filling into the pastry, then sprinkle the remaining cheese on top.

7. Cook for 30 minutes or until the cheese is golden and bubbly and the pastry is cooked throughout. Let cool for 5 minutes before slicing and serving.

TIP: Pie goes well with an ice cold glass of 7Up!

Pft! Cookbook Illustration by Whale Song Partridge