Did Nicki Minaj and Dick Cheney use Sanskrit, Freemasonry and fallen angels to design particle accelerators and open a portal to hell after 9/11 under the careful watch of Baal?

At any time, you can be sure that Shirley adjusts the monitors of her subatomic Mondrian pattern across the multiverse. With a gentle tuning of the dials across the 7 faces on the 7 chakras of her Keith, Danny, Laurie, Tracy, Chris, and Rueben, they sharpen and scatter in various mosaics. Each Mondrian televised square contains any number of possible scenes and at any time the channel can be changed to the most desired pattern.

If you’re about to be involved in a car accident, you could focus on a possible death or misery and end up there. You could also tune into a different set of events, in which you’re living a better version. There isn’t just one television in Shirley’s multiverse.

At this moment though, the CERN colliders are powered and spun on low power. Simone the dog barks and tugs a Higgs Boson balloon into the room. The balloon, blistered and sweating, begs to be cosmic-danced-on and subatomic-popped. With another gentle turn of the dial, the channel is changed and the bubble is unpopped in this reboot. Simone never left the dog house. You’ve successfully avoided a catastrophic event by simply turning your cosmic channel.

The entire planet can use their personal handheld and interactive TVs to tune in next week when CERN is scheduled to turn on at full power and push the limits of physics a bit further than before. The matter scene’s bubble will be punched harder and Simone will probably be soiling the house in a fury this time around. If we’re metastable, we can also suddenly appear on the other side in the calm.

You don’t have to let your roommate CERN force you into vacuuming the house again next week. You’re never stuck in the path of another doomsday asteroid if you’re watching the channel that continues flowing.

If you’re suddenly mauled in a true vacuum of chaos, crucifixes, Nephilim, feces, or Nicki Minaj, just switch channels. Appear on the other side of the barrier between channels.


Scripture by Unpoppy Partridge 

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